Rebuilding Your Identity After Leaving Religion
Written by CTRR Practitioner Terri Allred
To learn more about working with Terri, click here.
Terri Allred is a trauma-informed coach, spiritual mentor, and therapist whose decades of experience have been dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual violence, domestic abuse, and religious trauma.
Beginning Tuesday, September 16, 2025, Terri is offering a support group titled Sacred Embodiment. Sacred Embodiment is a support group for individuals healing from religious trauma who want to rebuild a sense of safety, regulation, and connection to their bodies. Through gentle somatic practices, emotional regulation tools, and a compassionate community, you’ll explore how to listen to your body, trust your inner signals, and reclaim your sacred aliveness—one breath, one sensation, one reclamation at a time. Schedule a free inquiry call with her to learn more and register!
When I first stepped away from the religion I was raised in, it didn’t feel like a clean break—it felt like a free fall. For a long time, my faith community gave me structure, belonging, and a sense of purpose. It told me who I was, what I should want, and how I should show up in the world.
And then, all at once, it didn’t.
Leaving wasn’t just about shifting beliefs—it was about unraveling an identity that had been wrapped around me since childhood. And that kind of loss? It can shake you to your core.
Who am I…now?
This is the question so many of us ask when we step outside the framework of a high-control or spiritually abusive system. It’s not just about questioning the teachings or values—it’s about questioning yourself.
Who am I without the roles I used to play?
What do I believe now, and how do I trust my own inner knowing?
Can I ever feel safe being fully myself?
These are deep, disorienting questions. But they’re also the beginning of something beautiful.
Identity Isn’t Fixed—It’s Fluid
One of the tools I use in trauma-informed coaching is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Now, before your eyes glaze over, let me explain what this means in plain English.
In NLP, identity is seen as one layer in a system of change. It's not fixed or permanent. You aren't born with one identity that you're stuck with forever. Instead, identity is shaped by your beliefs, habits, language, environment, and experiences. Which means—it can also be reshaped.
When you’ve left a religious context, especially one that told you who to be, you get to rewrite the story.
From “I was…” to “I am becoming…”
One small but powerful shift I teach is to notice the language you use to describe yourself. The brain loves stories—it organizes your sense of self around the ones you tell repeatedly.
So if you find yourself saying:
“I’m lost.”
“I’m broken.”
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Try gently reframing to:
“I’m learning who I am outside of old systems.”
“I’m healing and becoming more whole.”
“I’m discovering what feels true for me.”
This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s nervous-system-aware storytelling. It's acknowledging the pain while also opening the door to possibility.
Your Identity is Allowed to Evolve
So many of us were taught that identity was something you had—one fixed version you needed to conform to in order to belong.
But in reality? Identity is something you build.
Piece by piece. Choice by choice. Layer by layer.
You get to ask:
What values feel like mine now?
What communities help me feel safe and seen?
What do I want to believe about myself today?
And you get to change the answers tomorrow if you need to.
Healing Doesn’t Mean “Going Back to Who You Were”
A lot of people say they want to “get back to who they used to be” before the harm happened. But here’s the truth:
You’re not going back.
You’re going forward.
The goal isn’t to become who you were before religion or trauma—
It’s to become someone even more integrated, grounded, and aligned with your truth.
A Gentle Prompt for You
Close your eyes.
Take a breath.
And finish this sentence:
“The version of me I’m becoming is someone who…”
You don’t need to have a perfect answer. You just need to begin.
Because rebuilding your identity isn’t a destination. It’s a sacred, unfolding process—and you don’t have to do it alone.
Terri Allred is a trauma-informed coach, spiritual mentor, and therapist whose decades of experience have been dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual violence, domestic abuse, and religious trauma.
Beginning Tuesday, September 16, 2025, Terri is offering a support group titled Sacred Embodiment. Sacred Embodiment is a support group for individuals healing from religious trauma who want to rebuild a sense of safety, regulation, and connection to their bodies. Through gentle somatic practices, emotional regulation tools, and a compassionate community, you’ll explore how to listen to your body, trust your inner signals, and reclaim your sacred aliveness—one breath, one sensation, one reclamation at a time. Schedule a free inquiry call with her to learn more and register!
